Monday, April 14, 2008

A Holiday Exorcism

Holidays are over. God damn it all to hell.

I flew out of Somewhere Not Here to Somewhere Not There to see my Bro, his Mrs and The Baby. I heart The Baby. Like freakin truck loads! He is the world's most awesome baby. (Sparx I'm sorry, but I'm biased - forgive me?)

I learnt in the week I was there that he

  • loves it when I wink, but only with my right eye - I think I look more stupid when I do it with my right eye, it kind of makes me screw my whole face up.
  • loves it when I screech "WILD STRAWBERRIES!" Pnau - Wild Strawberries - give it 20 seconds... that's all I ask.
  • loves horsey rides, but due to the excessive size of his head and the fact that he's 4 months old and not that skilled in the area of head control, this is to the horror of his mother and father.
  • is most comfortable when you are not, ie, should you wish to sit down he will need you to stand up and vice versa.
  • is the world's most awesome baby.

Anyway, so I flew to Somewhere Not There for The Baby's christening because my Bro and his Mrs are under the impression that I would be a good influence over their child and that I should be his godmother. With the Mrs's sister. So the kid is fucked from word go, he has 2 godmothers and no godfathers. Anyhoo, continuing on... I don't like churches. I don't really get a kick out of religion. But I was doing it for The Baby. The priest was acutally a sweetheart, quite liked him and he gave me a cheat sheet that told me what I had to say. So there I am chillin out showing the lovely old ducks in the congregation what an awesome godmother I am when I see this written at the top of the cheat sheet:


What. The. Flying. Duckshit. The kid is 4 months old, can't hold up his head, loves horsey rides, and doesn't know where his hands are, but he needs an exorcism?! Yeah yeah yeah, whatever, I went to a Catholic school, I know about Original Sin and all that bullshit, but an exorcism? Can we say Drama Queens? Faaarq.

Anyway the point to all of this is we had a week long holiday, I was away playin with The Baby for that whole week so going back to school today felt like I had never left. And not in a good way. This is going to be a mo fo of a term.


Sparx said...

I forgive you Ms! And actually being Godmother must be a truckload of fun...

Try this one on him - butterfly kisses, do you know them? I also call them eye kisses. It's where you hold your eye very close to a baby's cheek and flutter your eyelashes against it. The spud thinks this is so grand he keeps grabbing me by the back of my neck and shoving his nose in my eye. What the heck.

DJ Kirkby said...

Aaaawwwwwwwww....sweeeeet! Glad you enjoyed yourself ans spoiled the baby and then ran away laughing...perfect Godmother material!

Ms Anonymous said...

Sparx butterfly kisses never occurred to me, but I'm filing that away for future reference.

And DJ, I like to think of myself as the perfect godmother but I guess only time and it's psychological scars that I may or may not leave on The Baby will tell...