Friday, April 4, 2008

A Traitor at the Picnic

It's holidays. Thank christ. Only for a week, but a week is better than a dislocated knee.

I was reading with one of my lemmings yesterday and his book was called The Picnic. We did the whole talk about it first and then read it thing. But while we were talking about it, because I have learnt to assume nothing, I said "Lemming, do you know what a picnic is?" You know what he said? Like seriously? He said ....


Fuckin A! He didn't know what a picnic is! How does that happen?! Anyway, I managed to disguise my look of shock - because yes, even though I have learnt to assume nothing, it doesn't mean I'm any better at hiding my what the fuck? face - and spent a minute or two talking about what a picnic is and why you have one.

So I decided that we could have a picnic lunch today so Little Boy Lemming would be able to actually experience one. So there we are, a bunch of lemmings, all in hats and with lunch bags in tow, trudging across the oval to find a shady spot on the least boggiest patch of ground. We sat in a circle, it was all very civilised, the lemmings were uber cute with their conversations, was a lovely little moment in time and one I'll be trying to do more often. The bell went, they all took off to play and left me in their wake. I toddled off to the staff room - which like never happens - only to be stopped by a fellow teacher.

Her: "Ms Anonymous, did you enjoy your picnic?"
Me: "Why yes thank you we did. How did you know we went on a picnic?"
Her: "Because Little Girl Lemming came running up to me to tell me that 'We had a picnic because Ms Anonymous is blonde and has never had one before!' "

At which point my fellow teacher pissed herself laughing, turned bright red and nearly popped herself out of her skin.

And do you know what was the only thing to cross my mind?
What a traitorous little lemming to call me blonde!
I mean I am, but to use that to excuse my erratic behaviour!? And it wasn't even about me!! It was for someone else!

Traitor I tell you.


Sparx said...

well that made my day! man, little traitor indeed! I think some teachery revenge is in order...

DJ Kirkby said...

Can't stop laughing...

Anonymous said...

Doesn't know what a picnic is but has obviously heard a few blond jokes. Don't even get started on talking to them about the farm!