Yesterday morning Little Boy Lemming came up to me and asked to go to the toilet. My kids may not learn much but one thing they all excel at is work avoidance. This particular Lemming is by far the brightest button on the shirt that is my class and was clearly just feeling above having to do anything that morning, so I said "NO." To which Bright Button Lemming said "But I'm busting," knowing I have an aversion to kids peeing on the floor. So I let him go.
5 minutes later Bright Button Lemming had still not returned. I opened the sliding door between our class and the class next door and announced to my neighbouring teacher that I had a war to win and would she mind supervising my Lemmings in the effort that is not murdering each other. I stormed out of the class room preparing my rant of terror for Bright Button Lemming who I suspected would be fucking around taking his time in the toilets. Well. No Bright Button Lemming. Hmmm. Sent the two boys who had just come out back in to open all the stall doors and check. Definately no Bright Button Lemming . So I went back upstairs and hit panic stations rang the office. And made it their problem.
Over the course of the next 2 hours, every teacher aide in the school was sent out into the neighbourhood looking for him, sent to shopping centres looking, police were called, I was asked to give a description of Bright Button Lemming more times than I can remember. Turns out I'm not very observant... I told everyone he was wearing black or blue pants. They were white... The Principal went out walking through the neighbourhood, the office ladies were scouring the school and the Deputy went driving in his brooom brooom car.
And he found Bright Button Lemming sitting on Bright Button Lemming's mailbox at his house. As he pulled up Bright Button Lemming said
"If you're looking for my dad, he's not here."
To which a very confused Mr Deputy asked
"Are you Bright Button Lemming?"
"Do you go to Hell on Earth State School The Happiest School Ever?"
"Is your teacher Ms Anonymous?"
This is the part where Mr Deputy got out of the car and roared at Bright Button Lemming to get his arse on the seat of the car and get his very much in trouble butt back to school. And the whole neighbourhood didn't even bat an eyelid at a huge towering 6 foot something man putting a small child into his car and driving off.
By this time I was convinced Bright Button Lemming was dead calmly waiting in the office. Poor bastard returns and after much screeching mature and grown up discussion we establish that Bright Button Lemming walked home unannounced because he was thirsty. For water. From his fridge.
After even more questioning we established that he was intending on playing out the front for the rest of the day, had no key to get in, didn't know where his dad was or when he would be home, and that he missed his school he has recently moved from because he had friends there. To which I got all teary cause I am a fucking sooky la la. Then I got to thinking that I never really see him in the playground and asked him why. He lost his hat weeks ago so has been going to the library instead which of course no one else does. It was so important to me that he knew that we cared about him and wanted him to be safe that I did my own runner from school and went and bought the kid a hat so he could go and play with friends not computers. He's been as happy as a pig in shit ever since.