I swear to god this is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
This morning I was driving to work. It was about 7am like it usually is, and as I drove past the bus stop on the busy main road to turn the corner into the school's main entrance, I just happened to look up and saw a sight I don't think I'll ever forget.
There was a drunk woman stumbling into the bus stop from the school grounds. I didn't really think anything of it cause that in itself is not actually a very uncommon occurrence. Then as I got closer I discovered that her pants were unfortunately tight as I could see every little lump and bump and that was without really paying much attention.
Then I got closer and realised that holy shit fire she didn't actually have any pants on. Except, turns out that she did... A black g string that had disappeared up her butt. How do I know it was up her butt I hear you ask? Well that was because at that exact moment she bent over and showed me it was up her butt.
Sadly for me it did not stop there. She then whipped her g-banger off, bent over and proceeded to pee, yes pee, ALL over the bus stop.
Now I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, why the hell did you keep watching Ms Anonymous?!! The answer is that it all happened in the space of about 3 seconds and it was like all these bizarre pieces of information that my brain was taking in and then put them all together in the last tragic moment.
Anyway it turns out I wasn't really that special anyway and that there were others who had seen her shenanigans. The school cleaner called the cops, who came and took her away, after seeing her with her gentleman caller and someone else saw her rolling her boob tube down so all of her girly bits were foot loose and fancy free.
By the end of it all I was left with a few questions.
1. Was she drunk or high?
2. I wonder whose mother she was?
Then I felt sad and hoped that the cops had her bundled up and taken away before any of the kids arrived to discover that the reason their mum wasn't there to get them to school that morning was because she was naked and trashed and roaming the streets.