Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Easter Who?

I'm not very good at telling stories in 500 words or less so I apologise in advance.

Today was the first day back after the Easter long weekend. I said to my lemmings, "Let's do some recount writing!", in my best I'm-excited! voice. So the drill goes, I do it, they do it. It's called modelled writing people. Anyway I did it and then they went to do it. I get them to draw the pictures first cause they're dumb and forget what they're writing about. In fairness it's really bloody hard work for them and they concentrate so freakin hard on what letter "on" could possibly start with that they forget the rest of the sentence they were writing. The picture helps their long suffering teacher. I like to jab it a lot and screech "Yes but what were you telling me!!!!!". It's a long, slow, drawn out, painful process.

So all my lemmings are sitting there drawing away except Bob (name is changed to protect his identity. One day he might actually become literate and be able to read this). I ask Bob what the dealio is.

"Sweetie, where's your picture?"
"Honey, do you remember what you are meant to be doing?"
"Mate, what did you do for Easter?"
This at least brings an expression change. From vague to blank.
"Bob, honey, do you know what Easter is?"
After much careful deliberation Bob slightly adjusts the tilt of his head to indicate that no, he has no damn idea what the hell Easter is. Apparently the eggs, the chickens, the bunnies, the chocolate and the fully grown man in a white polyester suit sweating like a mo fo are all there purely for decoration. Oh and Jesus. Jesus has something to do with something. I think he went behind a rock and laid a chocolate rabbit that regurgitated a fluffy chicken. Or something like that.

But I digress.

"Ok, is there anyone who can tell Bob what Easter is?"
Lemming 1 "It's Jesus day!"
Lemming 2 "Egg! Egg! Egg! Egg! Egg!", at which point I thumped her on the head to stop the CD skipping.
Lemming 3 "Dat bunny rabbit bring you chocolate egg!"

Lemming 3 had me. I thought that was the funniest thing ever. Don't know why, can't explain, but I thought it was piss funny that he called the Easter Bunny "Dat bunny rabbit!"

Anyway, I gave up trying to get anything out of Bob.

Later in the day our neighbourhood hippie Miss Hippie (clever name change I know) popped in for a visit. Well she floated/drifted in but you get what I am saying. She has an actual job at the school but I'm not sure what it is, but she loves the kids, the kids love her and she is as mellow as all fuck which is nice. Now Miss Hippie has a wicked sense of humour, i.e., the same as mine. So I was regaling her with the story of Bob and Lemming 3's explanation, when who should appear in front of us, but Lemming 3 himself. Seeing as I am all for using the small children in my class to keep myself amused, I started prompting Lemming 3 to say "Dat bunny rabbit!" again.

Me: "Lemming 3, tell Miss Hippie who came to see you on the weekend."
Him: " *crickets chirping* "
Me: "What happened this weekend?"
Him: "Easter"
Me: "Yep and who gave you the chocolate eggs?"
Him: "....", his expression clearly reading, this teacher is a tool.
Me: "Who sneaks in and gives them to you?"
And very slowly, so his dim witted teacher can keep up he says "... Daaad..."

Moral of the story? There is no Easter Bunny. And for this poor lemming who didn't even know his name, I don't think there has ever been an Easter Bunny, there has only ever been Dad.

At least Dad is not a total bastard. At least he bothers to give him the eggs.

I have come back to say that shit fire hell that was one looooong post. About shit fire hell. It amused me at the time though. I laughed belly laughs with tears.


Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say thanks for leaving a comment on my page!
Indeed, you're stories are long, but they're mighty entertaining!
thanks again

DJ Kirkby said...

You've ha dyour Easter break already? Ours doesn't startt ill next week, even though Easter is long over...go figure. Your posts are not too long at all, keep them coming.