God damn I wish the shit hole rain would go away. Yes yes blah blah drought blah blah other parts of the country drinking mud blah yaddah yaddah blah. Whatever. I am freaking Over. It. There is some sort of chemical element that turns kids into feral shit psycho pains in the arse retards. True god. Today I was lucky enough to have the pleasure of going out into the playground to supervise play time in the downpour. With the prep kids. Who are all about 4 years old and have had about 5 weeks of schooling. So they are really good at following instructions. And when you scream "Don't run on the concrete!" at the top of your lungs they just look at you quizzically while their feet keep moving on the spot not dissimilar to the road runner before they run off. I am sure I heard one of the little upstart punks yell "beep beep" as he ran off into the sunset.
The Year 1 kids, bless their hearts, have decided that every time the bell rings they are all going to scream at the top of their lungs. That god awful ear splitting squeal of a scream. That makes me wish I could learn how to head butt kids and make it look like I tripped. (A skill I believe they should teach at university. Don't give a shit what your teaching philosophy is. True god.)
Then after the joy of that migraine inducing spell outside I went back in with my poppets to get them ready for their PE/sport/whatever you want to call it lesson. Which was clearly going to be a roaring success considering the monsoon outside. So they're packing their crapola up ready to go and one of my girls, who surprisingly is one of my more capable students, runs out of the room with a look of pain on her face and leaving a trail, nay, a puddle in her wake. In all the excitement the poor chick somehow missed all the warning signs that her bladder needed to be relieved of its cargo. So relieved it was. All over the carpet. What ensued was some smooth manoeuvring on my behalf to cover her tracks. Literally. I did all but sing and dance to distract my lemmings, ah hem, children and divert their easily diverted attention away from said tracks. I delivered my lemmings to their PE teacher and took the dry-underpantsedly-challenged student down to the office to see what we could to dry her out. On the way though we met the most painfully stupid and biggest waste of space arse clown that exists. The Year 7 testosterone charged yet stunningly dumb male. Who was walking circles in the rain. Being a tool. And I had to open my mouth. Just couldn't help myself. Apparently though I pressed the wrong buttons and I pressed them a tad too hard. Because my afternoon ended with me dragging and all but carrying my dry-underpantsedly-challenged student while the moronic Year 7 tool who I found out the hard way was high as a kite on god knows what, chased us screaming "What the fuck are you looking at you stupid bitches! What the fuck are you looking at you stupid bitches! What the fuck are you looking at you stupid bitches!". Well you get the idea. We made it to the office in relative safety and welcomed by being asked if rain induced moronic behaviour was now spreading to teachers. At which point I discovered my button pushing had been witnessed by all of admin…
I hate the rain.